Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
