Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
