i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
