You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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