Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
