that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
