Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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