Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
being pregnant is like rehab
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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