Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
