Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Congratulations! We have a period
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
