Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
