Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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