My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize