i wish my penis had a tongue
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
