I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
