I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
