Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
