I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
