If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
where am i from again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The ass gains better be worth it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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