i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
