i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
