I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
