just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want nice things and good sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
