Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
