i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
vagina is talking i cant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
