You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need a beard to bite.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
