We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
