you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
