dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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