is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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