Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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