either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize