I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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