No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
