LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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