If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
