Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
