I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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