so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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