and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Boobs are out for the taking
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
