I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
