How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
