that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
