Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
