Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize