Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
