He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
