I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
