sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize