3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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