he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
