you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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