Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
