youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
