I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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