Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wear drunk well.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
