I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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