I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
