I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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